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    [RX] Auchentoshan Confessions





    My Cadence, composed, yet fade to the ground
    Because ankles are boulders, theyíre dragging me down
    Shins are see-thru, crystalline, mimicking my brain, and how
    The vapors that exist where they should be , not even canes could help
    A roof, my aim for wealth, lately itís a task to bathe myself
    Please sit, Iíll tell my tale, drunken story from a stranger's mouth

    This tale is not religious, and thatís not to say Iím mocking Christ
    Iíve fallen off the cross the way his corpse did, day we spawned our time
    My life, it had itís brighter spots, the lady that I called my wife
    Saw her as a pet, moronic friend who often stalked my side
    She taught me that the flaws I hide combine to piece my lawless mind
    Was bright, but near us was a storm thrusting forth to dull our lives
    My understory, Iíve plundered glory. Wonders of a hyped facade
    Wars have scorned the normal mortals, formally unrighteous frauds
    Formerly a knight of darkness, scourge complete with flies and sharks
    In life they symbolize the dark, Iím harnessing the light of stars
    Life at large is nothing but devices and their price of charge
    Industrial alignment beckons violence via guided tours
    So stomach all the sly remarks, fight for dollars, diamond drawers
    Life is more than prizes, your horizons arenít confined to stores
    But Iíve completely lost my mind, lost my love, my functionís died
    A mummified conundrum, I reside in slums, dysfunctioned type
    Brother to the cousin of the son who stood and won the light
    Sitting on this bench, out on the side until the stumps recline
    Fly across the sky, my consciousness disguised as comets tips
    Rotting here until my sands of time are out of rocks to give
    A bitter death, itís lack of sweetness, something that's not often wished
    Died permanently posed like Forrest Gump, but with no chocolates

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nigma View Post
    My Cadence, composed, yet fade to the ground
    Because ankles are boulders, they’re dragging me down
    Shins are see-thru, crystalline, mimicking my brain, and how
    The vapors that exist where they should be , not even canes could help
    A roof, my aim for wealth, lately it’s a task to bathe myself
    Please sit, I’ll tell my tale, drunken story from a stranger's mouth
    Shiiiit, those first two lines. Fire, flow scheme and content.

    Love this opening section, tbh. Very focused on the topic from the start which I love, and that last line sets up whats coming very nicely.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nigma View Post
    This tale is not religious, and that’s not to say I’m mocking Christ
    I’ve fallen off the cross the way his corpse did, day we spawned our time
    My life, it had it’s brighter spots, the lady that I called my wife
    Saw her as a pet, moronic friend who often stalked my side
    She taught me that the flaws I hide combine to piece my lawless mind
    Was bright, but near us was a storm thrusting forth to dull our lives
    My understory, I’ve plundered glory. Wonders of a hyped facade
    Wars have scorned the normal mortals, formally unrighteous frauds
    Damn, you on one with this piece so far bro. Beautifully written. Have a slight issue with the end rhyme scheme 'mocking Christ'/'spawned our time'/'called my wife', just feels a bit awkward, however, I'm more interested in what you're saying at this point so that's a bit of a back note.

    ' She taught me that the flaws I hide combine to piece my lawless mind
    Was bright, but near us was a storm thrusting forth to dull our lives'

    Same issue, same excuse for why I don't mind it. Bar was nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nigma View Post
    Formerly a knight of darkness, scourge complete with flies and sharks
    In life they symbolize the dark, I’m harnessing the light of stars
    Life at large is nothing but devices and their price of charge
    Smooth af. Very nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nigma View Post
    Industrial alignment beckons violence via guided tours
    So stomach all the sly remarks, fight for dollars, diamond drawers
    Life is more than prizes, your horizons aren’t confined to stores
    But I’ve completely lost my mind, lost my love, my function’s died
    A mummified conundrum, I reside in slums, dysfunctioned type
    ' Life is more than prizes, your horizons aren’t confined to stores'

    Yusssssssss.

    Thought the last line was a bit awkward. Also the function to dysfunctioned.

    Love what you're saying though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nigma View Post
    Brother to the cousin of the son who stood and won the light
    Sitting on this bench, out on the side until the stumps recline
    Fly across the sky, my consciousness disguised as comets tips
    Rotting here until my sands of time are out of rocks to give
    A bitter death, it’s lack of sweetness, something that's not often wished
    Died permanently posed like Forrest Gump, but with no chocolates
    Loved 'my consciousness disguised as comets tips', dope.

    Not 100% sold on the Forrest Gump line to end, it's not bad, though.

    This is a pretty dope piece, @Nigma, reminds me of some of my pieces where I was more focused on telling/showing a story than putting too much worry into some of the end rhymes. And it worked here, other than a few times, and I was being picky, did I notice anything off with the schemes or slants, most of em worked for me and I was more interested in the content than anything so it works as a whole. Really liked everything about this piece from the directness of ' Please sit, I’ll tell my tale, drunken story from a stranger's mouth' to then telling the story that you did. Can definitely 'feel' what you said throughout this and it was easy to want to keep reading. Very good submission and good use of the topic.

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