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  1. #1
    sultan of syntax wes ghost's Avatar
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    Autobiographical Me v.5

    +

    I hate myself
    For hating them

    Not bating them but bade them from the songs they sung
    The sonnet's done
    I tried to cry yet nothing's come

    |

    A sun's set up for sun setting moments,
    nobodys there nor cares if it's broken.
    No bodies left, just artifacts; hopeless.
    'Hope' is the fact....art's just crass and an omen.
    No men to know it, they're just there cause they hope it's
    something they can own. It's a storm that they're soaked in.
    How's that the norm? They let ego provoke them.

    That's why I say the sun's set up..
    ..'twas the ebb of the moon that had choked him.

    |

    I'm not a part of the problem, but the heart of the goblin..
    Isn't art for the sovereign that find life in the coffin?
    Shouldn't the root of the fallen tree follow me often?
    Branch out and you'll dig up the past and it's caution..
    I focused on everything, with 'me' being forgotten.

    All for naught or not at all? I think both are common.
    Harden the blow so their breath can be softened.

    |

    How long must I wait?

    I hate that I'm anxious...
    My hatred brings pain I didn't know that I came with.
    A sling for the arm that, in harm, helped me vanquish
    the words that had heard all the statements I'd blanket;
    A pen in the hand of the man they unsanctioned.
    'N yes, I'm saying that I'm wrong..but I should probably thank it.
    By 'it', I mean God....for not allowing me patience.

    My brain drifts...
    I see me seething in this sea of anguish.


    --


    Last edited by wes ghost; 10-17-2017 at 02:54 PM.

  2. #2
    Administrator Vlad's Avatar
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    Awards Member of SocietyThe CuredVerified VoterFeel Me, Fam?One Of Us
    Quote Originally Posted by wes ghost View Post
    +

    I hate myself
    For hating them

    Not bating them but bade them from the songs they sung
    The sonnet's done
    I tried to cry yet nothing's come


    Oh hello, Wesley. Classic playing with words to open. Liked the smooth wording and schemes here: 'Not bating them but bade them from.' 'The songs they sung. The sonnet's done.' Did think 'sonnet's done' into 'nothing's come' might be a bit of a stretch but that's being picky.

    Quote Originally Posted by wes ghost View Post
    A sun's set up for sun setting moments,
    nobodys there nor cares if it's broken.
    No bodies left, just artifacts; hopeless.
    'Hope' is the fact....art's just crass and an omen.
    No men to know it, they're just there cause they hope it's
    something they can own. It's a storm that they're soaked in.
    How's that the norm? They let ego provoke them.

    That's why I say the sun's set up..
    ..'twas the ebb of the moon that had choked him.
    More playing around - 'A sun's set up for sun setting moments,'. Into nobodys there nor cares if it's broken.' was nice. Loved this: ' No bodies left, just artifacts; hopeless. 'Hope' is the fact....art's just crass and an omen.' Really setting the tone of the piece early with the wording. 'No men to know it, they're just there cause they hope it's something they can own. It's a storm that they're soaked in. How's that the norm? They let ego provoke them.' Very aware and poetic in itself.

    Quote Originally Posted by wes ghost View Post
    I'm not a part of the problem, but the heart of the goblin..
    Isn't art for the sovereign that find life in the coffin?
    Shouldn't the root of the fallen tree follow me often?
    Branch out and you'll dig up the past and it's caution..
    I focused on everything, with 'me' being forgotten.

    All for naught or not at all? I think both are common.
    Harden the blow so their breath can be softened.
    Loved this section here. At first read I questioned the rhymes slightly but second time it fell into place for me. Liked the slight break in the scheme with throwing the word 'tree' in there before ending on the scheme.


    Quote Originally Posted by wes ghost View Post
    How long must I wait?

    I hate that I'm anxious...
    My hatred brings pain I didn't know that I came with.
    A sling for the arm that, in harm, helped me vanquish
    the words that had heard all the statements I'd blanket;
    A pen in the hand of the man they unsanctioned.
    'N yes, I'm saying that I'm wrong..but I should probably thank it.
    By 'it', I mean God....for not allowing me patience.

    My brain drifts...
    I see me seething in this sea of anguish.
    Easily relatable content here. Especially - ' How long must I wait? I hate that I'm anxious...My hatred brings pain I didn't know that I came with.'
    Liked the throw in inner of 'the words that had heard' and 'a pen in the hand of the man' - doesn't seem to be overly special in the simple wording but it adds that extra element to the flow.

    Definitely was feeling this piece, while used to your style and the type of pieces you write I probably don't/won't get tired of it just due to the way you write and it easily draws me into your thoughts, feelings, and state that you're in when you write it. It's like you're allowing us, or me, an inside look at your ramblings, and it's human, it's real, and I have no problem putting myself in your shoes throughout the piece. Glad you shared this bro.



  3. #3
    Maestro of Multis
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    Quote Originally Posted by wes ghost View Post
    I hate myself
    For hating them

    Not bating them but bade them from the songs they sung
    The sonnet's done
    I tried to cry yet nothing's come


    love the opening line "I hate myself for hating them"
    could literally apply to any instance of anger and as calm as I may seem now,
    I've had a lot of those moments myself. It's definitely a relatable statement.
    I like the build up with bating them/bade from them and the last line here
    is just the icing on the cake. Reminds me of moments where a relationship was
    so broken that I couldn't even mourn the loss of it because I'd technically lost it
    long before that realization.



    A sun's set up for sun setting moments,
    nobodys there nor cares if it's broken.
    No bodies left, just artifacts; hopeless.
    'Hope' is the fact....art's just crass and an omen.
    No men to know it, they're just there cause they hope it's
    something they can own. It's a storm that they're soaked in.
    How's that the norm? They let ego provoke them.
    what the hell Wes, how could you take something as simple as the the
    rotation of earth/sun cycle and make it relate to this emotion you have
    going on? the poetic imagery you created through this section was great.
    Especially with phrases like "No bodies left, just artifacts" "they're just
    there cause they hope it's something they can own" - also that last line
    hits hard especially in the context it's written in.

    That's why I say the sun's set up..
    ..'twas the ebb of the moon that had choked him.
    smh the metaphor you created here. on another level.



    I'm not a part of the problem, but the heart of the goblin..
    Isn't art for the sovereign that find life in the coffin?
    Shouldn't the root of the fallen tree follow me often?
    Branch out and you'll dig up the past and it's caution..
    I focused on everything, with 'me' being forgotten.
    this whole section was great. "isn't art for the sovereign that find life in the coffin" <3
    I like the metaphor/connection you have going with root of the fallen tree/branch out/dig up
    also that last line again, hits hard.

    All for naught or not at all? I think both are common.
    Harden the blow so their breath can be softened.
    i like the reverse wordplay you have in the beginning here (i'm sure there's a word for it but
    it escapes me this morning) but both lines here are dope.

    How long must I wait?

    I hate that I'm anxious...
    My hatred brings pain I didn't know that I came with.
    A sling for the arm that, in harm, helped me vanquish
    the words that had heard all the statements I'd blanket;
    A pen in the hand of the man they unsanctioned.
    'N yes, I'm saying that I'm wrong..but I should probably thank it.
    By 'it', I mean God....for not allowing me patience.
    love the beginning "how long must I wait? I hate that I'm anxious"
    rolling right into "hatred brings pain I didn't know that I came with"
    if that's not relatable to just about everybody, then they cannot be a human.
    liked the metaphors and imagery you created here.
    last two lines - grown af, it takes a lot to look at one's self and make
    an admission like that.

    My brain drifts...
    I see me seething in this sea of anguish.
    was just a dope line to end it with, like "I'm angry because I'm in pain"

    I like how the whole piece was describing one thing for you, but it could
    literally mean anything else for anyone reading it, because the way it's written
    I can either step into your shoes and see the context you wrote it in, or I can
    wear my own and relate almost every line to something I've experienced myself.


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